One day, while an old woman was washing clothes in the river, a gigantic peach came floating down from upstream.
“Oh my, what a huge peach!”
The old woman carried the peach back to her house, but suddenly vomited blood and died on the spot.
In truth, further up the river, a truck carrying a nuclear waste tank had plunged into the bottom of a valley. The radiation leaking from the tank had caused the peach growing on the riverbank to mutate and grow to a monstrous size.
The old woman’s cause of death was acute radiation poisoning.
The old man, who had been out cutting firewood in the mountains, returned home only to find his wife dead in a pool of blood, alongside a massive, faintly glowing peach.
“Hey, what happened to you, my dear?”
Just then, the peach ripped open with a sickening, tearing sound, and a muscular, entirely green-skinned child emerged from within.
He was supposed to be born as Momotaro, the champion of justice. However, due to the massive dose of radiation he had absorbed, he mutated, entering this world as the incarnation of pure evil: Mutant Momotaro.
“Why is there a child inside a peach? And look how hideous he is!”
Momotaro glared at the old man with eyes full of pure hatred. With his razor-sharp claws, he slashed the old man to pieces, slaughtering him instantly.
Letting out a primal roar, Momotaro burst out of the house and massacred the entire village.
He broke into the abandoned houses, scavenging for food. Finding some millet dumplings (kibi-dango) on a shelf, he stuffed them into the pouch at his waist and left the ruined village behind.
Along the way, he encountered a dog. When he fed the dog a millet dumpling, it transformed into a mutant dog. The mutant dog became Mutant Momotaro’s first ally.
As he traveled further, he met a monkey. When he fed the monkey a millet dumpling, it transformed into a mutant monkey. The mutant monkey also joined Mutant Momotaro’s ranks.
Advancing even further, he came across a pheasant. When he fed the pheasant a millet dumpling, it transformed into a mutant pheasant. The mutant pheasant likewise became his loyal pawn.
Mutant Momotaro fed his radioactive millet dumplings to every human and animal he encountered along his path. Some perished instantly, but others mutated and joined his horde. In this manner, Momotaro and his gang ravaged the entire world.
Meanwhile, the Ogres (Oni) living on Ogre Island (Onigashima) obtained reliable intelligence that Mutant Momotaro and his freakish army were marching toward their island to conquer them and plunder their treasures.
“It’s kill or be killed. We must strike first and eliminate them before they reach us.”
The ogres organized search parties, relying on Geiger counters to track down Momotaro’s location.
“Well, hello there, Mr. Ogre,” Momotaro said with a sickening, friendly smirk, offering a dumpling. “Won’t you try one of my homemade millet dumplings? They’re incredibly good for your health.”
As he extended the dumpling, the Geiger counter in the ogre’s hand began to click hysterically, reacting like crazy.
“You’re that famous Momotaro, aren’t you?”
“That’s right. Go ahead, take a bite. They’re delicious.”
Without hesitation, the ogre pulled out a phone and called President Obama.
“We have located the terrorist. Terminate him.”
Instantly, the U.S. Marine Corps’ unmanned combat drone, the Avenger, soared through the sky. With a barrage of Hellfire air-to-ground missiles, it incinerated Momotaro, his entire gang, and the surrounding grove of date palms into ash.
And thus, peace was restored to the world once more.